its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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