Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
