she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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