yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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