mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
