drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
