walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize