yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
