I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
