I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
