Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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