absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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