Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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