It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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