I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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