i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
