Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I pour the whiskey from now on
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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