She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
