The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wish my penis had a tongue
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sext me about skeletons
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
