I wish I could punch you in the face.
someone owes me an orgasm
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
