I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
