Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
