I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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