If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
