I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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