I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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