so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize