I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Randomize
