Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
