I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
