Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
