He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
