If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
