You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
