Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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