Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
