help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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