I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You're like the curious george of whores
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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