...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
