As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
