i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
