Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
