you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
