I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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