I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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