i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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