adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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