i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
