Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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