I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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