it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
