Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
