The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
