Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
