so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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