im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
