I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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