I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
