when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
