I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my shit smells like andre
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
