i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
