Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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