just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
