You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
